Looking ahead to what is next

I just turned 45. And for the first time in a very long time, I have no idea what is next for me.

For better and for worse, I tend to have most of my life mapped out, with the broad strokes pretty well figured out in advance. Not down to the minute, or even the month or year; but, at least, the succession … this then that, then this, then that.

But circumstances have conspired against my career and ministry plans, putting me squarely into the “I don’t know what’s next” camp.

It’s not like this should have taken me by surprise. I was warned, after all.

“... ye know not what shall be on the morrow.”

James 4:14a

In spite of that, I am somehow still arrogant enough to think I had it all figured out. Interestingly, both James and Peter talk about this phenomenon in slightly different, but strikingly similar ways:

“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.”

James 4:10

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:”

I Peter 5:6

The gist of it is that if there’s any planning to be done, it will (and must) be God Himself doing it. Of course, when God gets to work, the work will be far greater than you can ever imagine. Other than the fact that the old flesh that is still with us and exerts his hold on us (see Romans 7 for more on that), I have no idea why we don’t lean in on God’s exaltation on His timetable more than we do!

The minute that you think you’ve got the world by the tail is the very minute that same world seems to come crashing down. Just as you start to regain your hearing after that deafening crash, then all sorts of doubts start creeping in and saying awful things.

For me that starts to sound a little like this: Will you ever preach again? How will you take care of your family? Will you ever have the opportunity to pastor a church? Why didn’t you plan things out better? You made the wrong decisions! You can’t do anything right! You probably aren’t even doing this right!

Into that chorus of awful and condemning voices, God brought a word to me through the teaching of a faithful pastor on Daniel 9:1-19. In that passage, Daniel is praying to God on behalf of Israel. He is praying during a time of turmoil, uncertainty, and confusion. Yet, Daniel takes the time to first seek God’s face before ever even asking for God’s hand of intervention. That is not to say that he didn’t want help from God. Instead, it is to say that Daniel spends so much of this prayer (notably, verses 7-10) just relishing in who God actually is and indicating that the only hope Daniel has is actually in the merciful and righteous God of the ages. Of course, that necessarily leads to a heart-felt confession (verses 11-12). Then–and only then–does Daniel get to making a request to the Lord (verses 16-19).

But that thought — seek God’s face (worship Him) before you seek His hand (ask for whatever it is you want)–has run through my mind over and over. So, while I still don’t know what is next, I have made a point to seek God’s face, to use this moment of uncertainty to just hear God’s voice and see His work in history and all around me. And, to try my best to back off of needing Him to work right now in exactly the way I want Him to work.

Then, God spoke to me through His Word. That’s something He will do. In fact, that’s actually the point of His Word: Him speaking to us directly in our time of need.

This time, He used 2 Timothy 1 to show me what is next for me:

First … God showed me that I need to stir up the gift that He used faithful men & women to put into me (verse 6). I know God has blessed me with a number of gifts, just as He has each of His children. And I also know that He’s used so many people–some I can name and tell stories about, and some that my feeble mind and ingratitude has caused me to forget–to transfer those gifts to me. Those gifts are never given like a collectible, to sit on a shelf. Those gifts are instead to be used, enjoyed, developed, and deployed.

Second … God showed me that I need to lean in on the Holy Spirit’s anointing (verse 7). I’ll confess to being a bit overwhelmed by a spirit of fear right now. But when a person is saved by grace, the Holy Spirit provides an unction of power, love & good judgment. I suppose fear is the natural reaction to what I’m looking at right now. But as a believer in the service of Christ, I’m called to something supernatural.

Third … God showed me that the Gospel will never disappoint but it also never comes without suffering (vs. 8-9). Everything and everyone will disappoint you. But Jesus NEVER disappoints. So, think about what that means: if you are disappointed right now (as I absolutely am), then you can count on it: your trust was in something other than Jesus! Everything disappoints. Jesus always satisfies. Therefore, it logically follows that following Jesus is the best thing ever, right? Well, yes. But that doesn’t mean it will be cheap or easy. In fact, Jesus demands that His followers stop making everything about them and willingly follow Him to their deaths (see Mark 8:34-35). So, following Jesus will never disappoint, but it will necessarily come at a very high price.

Fourth … God showed me that there is no such thing as “normal” for a Gospel preacher (vs. 10-12). When my plans get upset, I tend to grieve the disturbance to my otherwise normal life. But that thinking misses that I am one called to be a preacher of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That means that these disturbances are actually fundamental to the death-ending, amazing grace that I get to go and preach. And if I dare to preach it, living it out shouldn’t be all that foreign to me. Yet, I often act like it is, to my shame. The good news is that Jesus and His Gospel will never leave you ashamed or leave you in your shame. Instead He will transform you and live up to every promise that He has given in His Word.

Of course, that doesn’t clear up exactly what it next. But it does solidify for me that God is hardly through with me (hat tip to Daniel Ritchie, see his thought on this that I go back to often here: https://fb.watch/3A_1MKxK63/). It reminds me that I have been called by God to serve His church. It underscores that I need to be ready for His next assignment and that one will be coming down the pike. It makes clear that what seems to be a bump in the road should be expected for one called to follow the risen Christ. And it preaches that many, many, many more failures and disappointments will come my way … but never from Jesus. He only and always satisfies.

So, I am resolved to do what I first heard and ultimately surrendered to God to do in 2005: to serve His local church as a pastor who faithfully preaches God’s Word. And I stand ready to fulfill that call.